I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
