Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Say something about gay babies.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
