The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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