I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
