got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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