Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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