Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize