Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize