why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
