We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
