I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
