Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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