the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
