I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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