In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
