I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
