it's too hot outside to masturbate.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
