We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
