im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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