Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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