where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
