i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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