I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
