i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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