Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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