My friends, they love my intelligence
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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