What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I cockslap morals
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
