just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
