I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
