He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
