My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
