You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We need to rekindle our bromance
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
