I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
