Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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