all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
