Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
