for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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