what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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