just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize