i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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