It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I fill condoms, not promises.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
