the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
