I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
