i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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