she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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