My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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