I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
