i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize