Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
