I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
