I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize