Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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