i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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