its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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