There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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