I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
