I wish I could punch you in the face.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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