i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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