I'm gonna have a badass scar
her vagine was all disorganized.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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