having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My breasts were aching with rage.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
