it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
