it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
