I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
