I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
