you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
