I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
