I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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