before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
