there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
