i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
