I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
